I Am Not My Hair

I completed chemotherapy on June 1. I was holding on for dear life and cried out to God many times for it to be over! Chemo is no joke. I faired well but my scheduling for treatment plus the advanced medicine for nausea helped tremendously. I don’t even want to imagine what it would have been like without those two things playing a role.

After my second treatment, my hair began to fall out. I had been mentally preparing for it before my first treatment. But when it happened, I balled my eyes out like a little baby. Never ever try to wash hair that is falling out. It is not a bright idea. I did and as I was scrubbing my scalp, my hair became one knotted tangled weave of mess! I couldn’t do anything with it after that. So I knew it was time…

I stopped what I was doing and called a close friend to ask if I could borrow his clippers. It was well after 11 p.m. when I drove to his house, closed myself in his bathroom and shaved my head. I cleaned all the hair from his sink and floor and took it with me. I still have my hair stored under my bathroom sink in a plastic freezer bag.

In the beginning, I did not really care about losing my hair. I figured I had to do what I had to do to survive. But when it happened for some strange reason I was devastated. I guess the reality of having cancer truly hit me. I knew then that it was the beginning of many changes for my body and I would never be the same after.

With a bald head, I could not face co-workers, family members, and friends. So, I wore a wig. It was a cute bob style but I grew tired of it after a month or so. I went and bought a longer lace front wig. I really liked it but as the summer months inched closer it was no fun to wear in the hot and humid southern weather. A few weeks after my last chemo my hair began to grow. I had a baby hair low fade.

It wasn’t until I got reassurance from nurses and staff at the oncology clinic as well as my immediate family that I began to wear my new ‘do out in public. I was a wee bit skeptical about how I looked. I figured that all of those people in awe about how cute I looked with the shorter hair wouldn’t truthfully tell me if I looked like who did it and what for! But the biggest factor standing in my way of my hair freedom was knowing that everyone would ask me tons of questions and it would be harder to hide my diagnosis.

People have asked me tons of questions about my hair but it’s okay. I’m loving my new hair! I get so many compliments. The crazy thing is that so many men approach me to say how beautiful I am and that they love my hair too! If I would have known the fellas would react this way I would’ve cut it a long time ago.

At first my new hair was straight and extremely fine. Now it’s becoming thick and wavy. Right now I’m searching for good hair care products for natural hair as well as a good hair color to tag along with me into the fall. I’ll start another round of chemotherapy soon. My doctor says that it shouldn’t damage my hair. I’m taking precautions to keep my hair healthy for the duration of the treatment.

I can honestly say that I’m happy with how my hair looks. I think my new look is a great way to start the next chapter in my life. Peace and Love


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